Hard to hear

I’m writing in hopes that the woman my husband was speaking to for over a year would come forward. I just want to speak to her and get some things off my chest and ask her a few things.

My husband is acting strange again. For those of you who don’t know my situation. In July I found out my husband was talking to someone else for over a year and we separated, but we got back together.

Lately, he’s being the same way he was before I found out. He’s shady with his phone and he’s coming to bed super late like he used to.

This will always be in the back of my mind because of what happened before with him. I don’t know if I can ever trust him again.

September Blues

This is the worst September I ever had to deal with in my life…

On September 1st, I thought my life just went up 110%. I found out I was pregnant. I never thought I could get pregnant. My husband and I have tried for over 4 years and never anything. We decided to do the fertility way and do some hormones, and all that did was make my periods a hundred times worse. We stopped doing the hormones and stopped trying all together. That was back in January.

When August came, I realized that I was late. I was due for my monthly on July 18th. I just thought it was a fluke thing, I didn’t think anything more about it. By mid August, I started feeling weird. Dizzy, nauseated, and my boobs were hurting. I thought well maybe I’ll just take a test to be on the safe side. It came out negative. I’m like okay then, my periods are usually pretty whacky anyway. I put it in the back of my mind.

When September 1st came around, I woke up feeling okay. It wasn’t until a few hours later that I started feeling pretty terrible. I felt dizzy and felt like I was going to pass out. I went out to breakfast and went out afterwards and I just felt out of it. I had to make a Target run to get a few things, and while I was there I had a dizzy spell. I almost passed out. I grabbed a few things and another pregnancy test and went home.

I got home and peed on the stick. A few minutes later I was stunned. I couldn’t believe it. The plus sign really threw me off. You should’ve seen me, I’m like no way, no way! I was running around the house like a mad woman. I was so happy and confused at the same time.

I called my husband and I told him. He was shocked and super happy about it. At that moment in time I was supposed to be about 6 or 7 weeks. I called my OB and they wanted to see me the following week, but I decided to call the fertility doctor since I was going through them with the hormones, however, wasn’t using them. They wanted me to come in right away to get a blood test to confirm.

By the afternoon, they called me and it was confirmed. I was pregnant. I let my husband know and my parents. I didn’t really want to tell anyone else, until I knew for sure with the ultrasound. They wanted me to come in a few days later to get one, to see how far along I was.

When that day came, I was so nervous and excited. I couldn’t wait to see what it looked like. My husband and I arrived and I put the gown on and we waited for the doctor to come in. He came in and asked me a ton of questions and what to eat and what not to eat. I laid down on the table and I was ready for the ultrasound. He proceeded and he wasn’t saying anything. I just thought maybe he was concentrating. A few minutes later, he told us that he didn’t see anything. I was shocked, I didn’t think that would be the words that would’ve been coming out of his mouth. I never even thought of that. I was upset, but he said not to give up hope and that he wanted to see me three days later.

Three days later, we went back again, and again I changed into the gown. A different doctor did the ultrasound, and again, he said he saw nothing. With where I was number wise, I should’ve been about 7 weeks and they should’ve seen the baby on the screen. We left heart-broken. They scared me by saying that my pregnancy could be an ectopic pregnancy. I was a nervous wreck and freaked out, thinking this thing could kill me. They wanted to wait a couple more days and draw blood.

Later on I get a phone call that my numbers were excellent. So that gave me some spark of hope. They called me to come back in to check again. We both agreed to come back.

My original doctor did the ultrasound and he finally saw something, which looked to be a sac. It was small but it was there, and that gave me some hope. I got more blood work, and he called later telling me that my numbers weren’t good and that he thought this pregnancy wasn’t viable. I needed to come back again! So we went back again, and the sac was still there but it was so tiny. It didn’t grow. He proceeded to tell me that the good news it was in the uterus and not ectopic, but the bad news, its not a viable pregnancy. My mom was with me at this time, and she was so excited. Her face dropped when he said that. We both left there upset.

My next step was to come in and fill out papers to take a medicine that was inserted to bring on a miscarriage. At this point, I wanted to get this over with. I felt like I’ve been through the wringer. I inserted the medicine a few days ago, and it took about 7 hours for it to kick in. I had really bad cramps and I started bleeding. I’m thinking that this is it. I have a whole day of bleeding and cramps. The doctor tells me to come in to make sure everything has passed.

So I go in, and guess what? It didn’t work! I’m like this shit is a pain in the ass. So now I’ll have to get a D&C. They told me I can take the pills again, but I feel like that’s such a waste of time. I just want to get this over with. I feel like shit, and I’m so tired. This makes me not even want to have any kids, because of this experience. All I’ve received was bad news.

This was really personal to me, but I wanted to share this experience, because I’m sure there are other women that are going through this. It hurts a lot to know the your baby isn’t viable, but it hurts more when you’re carrying it around. I know there are women out there that have it worse then me. There are women that find out there baby has no heartbeat and there about 5 months or more into their pregnancy.

That’s all I have to say right now…I’ll update later when everything is done.

M.

Part-time Nightmare

I didn’t want to but I feel like I didn’t have a choice. I decided to get a part time job at a local grocery shop just to make some extra cash for Christmas, bills, and what not. Let me tell you, this post is about my experience of that dreadful day.

I was already unhappy that I got a second job and being that I write and it takes up a lot of my time it was hard to put that to the side. My full time job just isn’t cutting it with the times where we are now. Anyways I put on my lovey uniform that we are expected to wear and head off. Driving there was the worse, it was rush hour so it was bumper-to-bumper traffic. I’m waiting patiently listening to some music, trying to get my nerves under control because I’m a thirty something woman and I’m not used to this game anymore. I used to work for many retailers in my day like Best Buy, Sears, American Eagle, Gap, etc. but that was in my early twenties. When I was trying to figure out who I was.

After surviving the nightmare of rush hour I finally make it to my destination and it was a mob scene. I weave through the people just so I can punch in on time. I go up to HR department, because I honestly don’t know what the hell I’m doing or supposed to be doing. They give me an apron and said to meet with this and that person. I’m like, “So where are they?” They tell me just go to the cashiers. So I put the apron on and head downstairs to the front of the store asking for these women that are supposed to train me. I go up to a girl who looks like she’s twelve and been there forever and she’s like uh they’re not here today. I look at her like she has three heads. I’m about to freak out because I’m like this place! She told me stand over by the podium because that’s where people go to wait for managers. So I’m standing there and nobody is coming for me.

Finally I had enough. I go up to one of the managers of the store and tell him my issue. He then proceeded to pass me on to another manager. That manager was like, “Hey come on I’ll take you where you need to go.” He walks me back over to the podium and he radios to another person. This person walks over to us and he appears to be about twenty. The manager then says to this kid, “Hey take care of her will ya.” At this point I feel like nobody knows what they hell they’re doing. This kid oh my god I wanted to punch in the face. He was rude, cocky, obnoxious and just a punk ass kid. He tells me to just bag and go to every cashier for e/o order. So I’m like okay but I’ve never done this before and he’s like don’t worry you’ll get the hang of it and he walks away.

I make my way to the cashiers line to bag and none of the cashiers say hello or even acknowledge I’m there. Now mind you I start looking at all the cashier and they’re all little kids. They’re all probably sixteen but they look like they’re twelve. I start bagging and nobody even says thank you. The only ones that said thank you was an older woman in her fifties and a high school kid. At least they said hello and asked some questions. Other than that, the girls that worked wore heavy makeup, big hoop earring, and gave me dirty looks. I’m thinking why are you looking at me like I just stole your job or even their boyfriends.

I was there a total of four hours and right before my shift is over, they said did you get your fifteen min break and I’m like no. They sent me to go on break and I take it. The rude ass dude from earlier hands me a pumpkin pie and some seafood from the deli to bring back to these departments. Mind you, I have no idea where any of this shit is. So I go do what I need to do and eventually find where there items are supposed to go and then I go on break. Fifteen mins go by and I’m like, “I have fifteen minutes left here.” So I stand there bagging what I can and then I’m gone. I was about to quit and never come back because that was hell on earth. There was poor management unlike I’ve ever seen. I called the HR department and let them know what an awful experience I had and that I was going to quit. She called me back and told me that there was an opening in a different department so I decided to take it. Needless to say, so far this has been working out. I’ll never go back to that nightmare ever again.

That was my awful experience and I wanted to write about it. People today are just ridiculous, especially teenagers. If I don’t have a screen on my face, then I guess I’m not worth talking to. Today’s youth lack social skills without a doubt. It’s a damn shame.

M.

Feels Good

So last Saturday was the local author expo in Bensalem. It was another great experience! I sold about five books in the span of three hours. Few to a girls in the early twenties/late teens. And a couple to two of my aunts that came from out of state.

The people around me didn’t sell close to what I sold so it made me feel even better. I feel like it makes this experience much more special if they sold. However I feel like YA is the way to go. Girls love books it seems, which is great, and they want something juicy to read. My first novel Braver Than Yesterday seems to do a lot better in selling then From Within. Something about a girl being locked in a basement by her captor makes girls rush to buy. I don’t blame them, I love a mystery suspense novel. I changed up both of my novels so they can be YA. Who knows maybe that’s my calling.

I’m just really loving this whole experience. I am currently writing the sequel to From Within, and I’m over half done. I never thought that this would take off for me. I feel like I’m living my dream of writing. Publishing makes it even more amazing. People are out there reading my books and it feels great.

M.

Event

Well it’s official I’m doing another event at the author expo in Bensalem, PA. I received the email last night. I’m super excited. I think this is a great way to meet people and other authors. This event will take place in the beginning of November, as it becomes closer I’ll talk more about it. That is all I know so far.

I was hoping to finish the sequel to From Within but it’s taking longer then expected so I don’t think it will be ready unfortunately. Sometimes I get writers block so I need to take a break. I’m about half done but it still needs a lot of work.

Anyway super excited for the event!! I’ll talk more soon! Have a great Thursday everyone!

M.

Experience

This past weekend I was able to experience something that I was really excited about. There was a local author expo that took place in my area that I decided to be a part of. I thought it was a wonderful experience. I was able to connect with other authors and see how they ran the show since this was my first time. I was really ecstatic when it started and I had my first sale right away. The teenage girls seemed to track me down and read the back of my books and fell in love. You see there were these pamphlets that were given out to everyone about the authors and what genre the authors typically write about. I sold a few copies that day and felt even more special when I signed them. They were so excited and they asked for advice because some wanted to be future writers. I will be attending another expo in November that is even closer to where I live so I’m hoping more people will show up. This definitely made me want to write even more! I loved that it brought joy to people young and old.

Another thing I wanted to talk about is that I decided to do a giveaway on Goodreads for my novel Braver Than Yesterday. So starting on Thursday the giveaway will start and it will last about a month until October 14th.

I also decided for a limited time I wanted to do a promotion for Braver Than Yesterday the kindle version on Amazon. So if you click on the link you can download it for free for today only! I would love for those that download and read it to also review it. Reviews are always a plus 🙂

Also, one last thing the sequel to From Within is coming along and hoping to have it ready within the next month or so! Very excited for this one!

So a few pieces of news for you lovely people out there that love to read thrillers/suspense novels there you go! I hope you enjoy and thanks so much for the love and support.

M.

 

Nostril Breathing

A few years ago before I got married I was a stressful mess. I was so worried about money and about paying for the wedding my husband and I were going to have. 6 months before I got married something happened to me that freaked me out. I started having heart racing. I went to the ER and they said it was just stress. They gave me something to calm down and sent me home. A couple days later it returned again. I would be up half the night freaking out which made the heart racing even worse. One morning I called my mom and told her I needed to go back to the ER. We went and this time they kept me over night. They did all these tests on me and determined the issue was stress/anxiety again. They said I need to stop drinking caffeine and relax. They gave me Xanax and sent me home the next day.

My point of this story is that here it is a few years later and I haven’t had any issues with the heart racing since. I started doing yoga three years ago and because of that I think it played a major part in helping me with my stress. In yoga we started this thing called alternate nostril breathing. It’s when you hold your thumb to one nostril and you inhale in the other nostril and then you exhale. Then you repeat on the other side, close the other nostril and inhale and exhale. When I did this it really helped me. If I start getting an episode which I rarely do, I do this and it really helps. I actually swear by it.

Anxiety and panic attacks are no joke! I would do anything or try anything to help me out!

M.

The Perfect Ad

Writing the perfect ad for your book is hard. I’ve been trying to come up with something for both of my novels for an ad and to be honest I’m having a hard time because you want your book to sell. What sells your book? A very well thought out ad. Something that catches the eye and draws you in. I must’ve changed the ad a gazillion times to try and get it right in my ear. I would run it over and over with my husband and he’s like yea try this or yea that sounds good. It’s really hard but it needs to be done. It’s my lively hood so I want to do right by it.

My first novel has a lot of sex, rape, love, & lesbianism in it. I know some of that is controversial but hey it’s what’s on my mind. People like to read that shit!

My second novel is about a girl that dies and comes back to life seeing spirits. Nothing like the first one but I like different! Wait until the sequel comes out.

Hopefully the ads work for both on Goodreads. Look me up if you haven’t already.

M. Rose Bushéy

New images

Hey there everyone!

I know it’s been awhile and hope you’re all doing well. I’ve been on vacation for the past week which I can say is pretty great. Haven’t relaxed this much in a long time.

I wanted to let you know my novels Braver Than Yesterday and From Within have new and improved covers. I figured they needed some revamping. The old covers weren’t doing the books any justice. I’m really excited to announce this so please check them out. I would be eternally grateful! Hope everyone is having a safe and fun summer. I’ll be talking to you soon. The third novel is turning out wonderful! Super stoked about it!

M.