Is it hot in here?

So, I started watching Sex/Life on Netflix and I actually bulldozed right through it. If you haven’t seen the show you may want to scroll past.

Sex/Life is about a woman who lives in the burbs with her hunky husband and their two kids in this beautiful house in Connecticut. Billie is the woman’s name who is the main character. So Billie gets bored with her life and hasn’t been having the sex life that she so craves. So she starts thinking about her steamy past.

Billie takes out her laptop and starts a journal about her past relationship with Brad. Gorgeous Australian Brad with the hot body. Anyway, she writes in her blog about all the sex they had. I mean SO much sex.

Billies husband finds her journal and starts reading it and actually gets him off. Their sex life starts to get better and she doesn’t understand why. Their is a part in the show where he is in the kitchen and he opens the blog and reads about an amazing sex scene and he takes out his member and gets off, right there in the kitchen. I’m like OMG this is almost too much for me, but damn that was hot.

In my personal life, my sex life isn’t all that glamorous, but I watched this show and I was more then ravished and I pounced on my husband. I applaud the show for giving me a good sex life again.

Sex/Life was basically like watching one of those back in the day Cinemax pornos lol that is what I took from it. I however, enjoyed it very much. The story was a little wonky but that’s okay. The sex made up for it.

Did any of you watch this show? Let me know what you think. I know the show had bad reviews and I believe the only good thing that might save the show is the sex.

What you might not know, is that this was a true story. A woman decided to write her fantasies and her past sex life in her journal and her husband read it. They were fine coming out of all this, but if my husband read something in my journal, I know for sure he would not be okay with it.

That’s it for now guys! I hope you have a rocking day!

M.

Quarantine Blues

Hey everyone! I know it’s been an awful long time, and I now am writing finally because I actually have time. All due in part because of this quarantine we are in. I don’t know about some of you, but I’m getting sick of it. I’ve been in quarantine since March 13th. My husband and I do decide to take some trips through the country once in a while just to feel somewhat normal. What are you doing to keep your sanity in this time?

I’ve been trying to find things to keep me occupied, whether it’s reading a book, doing puzzles, playing video games, or just simply catching up on some tv. However, lately it’s getting boring to me. I take walks around my neighborhood with my dog, and it’s the only thing I seem to look forward to anymore. I haven’t wrote a single page of my novel in a long time. I feel like I lost myself with the writing.

Today we went for a drive, and we got stuck in a storm. We were surrounded by torrential rain, thunder, lightening strikes, and intense hail! I enjoyed every second of it, because I love storms. I can’t enjoy them at home, because my dog gets deathly scared of them. So I was thrilled I was able to actually be in the middle of one.

I guess this is the time that I should be focusing on my work. Getting my words down and expressing how I feel.

I found out today, that I am not able to return to work until at least June. I work in a school district and they closed all PA schools. Which means, I’ll be returning sometime in June. I find this insanely crazy, I never thought this would happen. Ever in a million years, and I’m sure many people feel the same way I do.

As far as being quarantined with my husband (he’s out of work too), we’ve grown closer because of this ordeal. We go to bed together and wake up together. We never used to do that. So I guess that’s kind of a plus. I think my fur babies (2 dogs, 4 cats), are also grateful that we are home with them. I don’t know what they’re thinking, now that we’ve been home with them everyday. They’re probably in their glory.

So I just wanted to check in and say hello to all you wonderful people and please be safe out there.

My Husband Broke Me

I know this is personal, but at this point I really don’t care…

As I’m writing this I feel defeated, like I’m lost in limbo. Waking up everyday is a current struggle for me. My husband cheated on me from 2017 until the middle of 2018, and I can’t get it out of my head. I keep thinking about it constantly. I separated from him once, almost twice because of it.

Everyday there is a constant battle within me, should I leave him permanently or should I stay? He apologized profusely, but yet I can’t forgive him. He cheated on me for over a year, and if I had not caught him, it probably would’ve continued.

The funny thing is, I’m one of those people that if the tables have turned and this happened to someone else, I would’ve yelled at them for staying with their significant other. Instead, I’m staying. I love him still, I do. But because what he did, I’m losing it.

I’ve never felt this broken before and depressed by something. I know what I should do, but I don’t know if I can. The other night we were laying in bed, and I told him that I felt really fucked up in the head. That I feel depressed, and I need to see a therapist about all of this. He got mad at me because of the way I feel. He’s a master manipulator, I don’t know if he’s to the extent of an emotional abuser, but he’s something.

I have so many thoughts in my head, but at the same time I’m struggling to understand any of this. I’m honestly so tired and I can barely function anymore. Should I forgive what he did? I don’t think I can ever forgive nor forget. It’s harder because the person that he cheated on me with confronted me last month with more news. This devastated me even more, and brought up the almost second separation. He denies everything that she says, except for the part that he had phone sex with her for over a year. Which just sickens me. I mean who does that? If you’re feeling a certain way, then tell me. Don’t go off and fool around with someone else. That’s just downright disgusting.

I am a novelist, that is what I do and right now, with what he did, I lost my mojo. I have no ambition at all to write anything. It took all my might to even write this. I don’t expect anyone to comment or like my post, but I needed to get this out of my system.

He made me feel like it was my fault, that he cheated. He said that he was lonely and we weren’t being intimate. He’s a tattoo artist, so he constantly tattoos women. A lot of them attractive, so will I ever be able get over what he did? Could he do it again? He keeps saying that he regrets it, and that he would never do it again. All he wants to do is put this all behind him. I’m so glad it’s so easy for him to just forget about it. Of course he would say that, he’s the cheater.

I’m sorry if I’m ranting about this, but I’m hurting and I feel broken. I feel like I lost everything. My best friend cheated on me. For over a year nonetheless. That’s probably the hardest part. What drives someone to really do that to their partner? It is beyond me. I’m just not right these days. I feel like I’m running on fumes, like I’m in a fog.

M.

Caught!

This blog is about the woman and my husband who’ve been messaging/chatting. I’ve been married to this man for fours years and been with him for the last seven years.

A woman comes out of the blue and ruins my marriage. Supposedly this woman is also married with kids. Why the fuck would she target my husband out of every other man out there? Maybe it’s because he’s a tattoo artist. So it supposedly started months ago. My husband is just as at fault as this woman is because he was texting her back and talking to her for months.

Last Thursday everything changed and knew something was going on. I received a text in the morning saying “He better not be more then a friend and touch you inappropriately. He better not smack your ass either.” Okay now when I saw this I was like what the fuck! So of course I confronted him about it, and of course he changed his story. Not once, not twice, but three times. That’s how I found out that he was texting this woman. He swore that he never cheated on me and that they were just friends. But the last couple of weeks they were flirting. He begged and pleaded with me to forgive him and that he never cheated on me. I couldn’t right away, it hurt too much. I mean come on this is my husband and he’s talking to another woman and he got caught. Friday I forgave him. I made him promise to not talk to this woman ever again. So a week went by and things were going pretty well, but something wasn’t right. Do you ever have this feeling that something is off?

When I came home from work yesterday, I decided to check my phone records. Fortunately for me, the records are in my name so I can check texts and calls. I knew something was going on when I checked the phone records. Boom, there it was in black and white. He was still talking to the bitch and he was talking to her on the phone as well as texting. He doesn’t even call me on the phone, but he can call her and talk about an hour. When I saw these texts and calls I wanted to freak out, but I didn’t! I was pissed yeah, but I knew something was going on. I wasn’t born yesterday. I couldn’t wait however, to confront him. He wasn’t going to be home for hours, so I had to pre-occupy myself, so I went to yoga. That didn’t really help, I couldn’t stop thinking about what he did me, and to our marriage.

Finally he pulls up and he walks in the house. I’m sitting there on the couch with tears running down my cheeks. He’s like uh what’s going on. I ask him if he’s talking to that other woman and he says NO. No do you believe that? I ask him one more time, and again he says no. That’s when I pulled the phone records out on him. Can you believe he still denied it, but then said that they were just friends. How can friends talk for 24/7 and if she was a friend, how come I didn’t meet her??? I’m totally confused by this response. Does he peg me for an idiot or what? I yelled, I screamed and I cried. He said he fucked up and that he wasn’t going to talk to her anymore. No shit you fucked up! I told him I was done and that I want to separate.

This morning he texted me good morning and before I even responded to him I checked the phone records again, and guess what?! HE MESSAGED HER AGAIN!! He messaged her last night right after he promised he wouldn’t. He texted her three times! Dude what the fuck is wrong with you?! Have you no morals? I don’t get this guy at all! What kind of man did I marry!?

Depression is no joke

People that deal with depression know how hard it can be to deal with things on a daily basis. People that don’t deal with it have no idea that people with depression are on the edge of self destruction.

One word or phrase can set them off. Take me for example, I’ve been suffering with depression for awhile which I hate to admit but I feel it’s important to be honest. A lot of things in my life have me down and the people I rely on the most are my support system. Sometimes however, those people can hurt you the most by saying something that can ruin your whole day. Everyday It feels like I want to cry, so when someone I care about deeply says something that could be hurtful even if they’re kidding, it destroys me. I want to crawl in bed and not come out.

Some people think it’s bs and that I can just turn off my depression but it doesn’t work that way. Those people will never understand.

If you know someone who suffers with depression, listen to them. Don’t turn your back on them.

Review # 2

My second review is going to be on the book The Nightingale, by Kristin Hannah. If you haven’t read this book then you shouldn’t read this post because there are spoilers.

My first thought of this book even before I started reading it was eh, I’m not sure I’ll be into all this war stuff. I had to read it though because I love Kristin Hannah. She’s one of my favorite authors. As I started to read the book, she got me sucked in again. This book has so many aspects of it. It has love, it has violence, it has strong willed women, brave soldiers, combat. you name it, it has it. I just couldn’t put it down.

It takes place right before the start of WWII. Isabelle and Vianne are sisters who blatantly seem to loath each other. The war breaks out and Vianne is left with her toddler daughter, while her husband leaves her for battle. Isabelle, the younger sister of Vianne feels like a burden. Nobody wants her but she’s supposed to be this gorgeous girl that all the men want if that makes sense. Her sister doesn’t want anything to do with her and her father is a drunk who also wants nothing to do with her.

Isabelle is a strong a fierce girl. She lets nothing stand in her way. She is eager to fight the Germans so she can win her country, France, back. She leaves her sister and decides to go out on her own and take a stand with others that feel the same way as she does. Along the way she meets this French man, who from what I imagine is a very handsome man. His name is Gaetan. She falls in love with him but he finds her just a girl and very complicated. They part ways and she doesn’t seem him until much later in the story.

Vianne eventually has Germans billeting in her home and feels herself falling for him, which is a big no no. Her husband has been away for sometime and wonders if he’ll ever come back.

Isabelle gets into some trouble down the road and hoards airmen to keep them safe against the Germans. She hides them and rescues them and sets them free into a safe zone. This is where she is now called the Nightingale. Her name is Isabelle Rossignol, also meaning ‘Nightingale’.

The story goes on as Vianne ends up killing the German soldier that’s living in her house, who she was falling for. All because he was ready to kill her sister Isabelle, who was hiding an airman in Vianne’s cellar below the ground in the barn.

Vianne yells for Isabelle to leave her alone and to never come back again. She does as she is told.

Later on in the story, Isabelle is captured and sent to a concentration camp where she is left to die. Vianne meanwhile, is getting raped by the new German that is staying at her home. She winds up getting pregnant. By this time the war is almost over. He leaves the house and never returns. Isabelle is in such a state that she is dying.

Antoine, Vianne’s husband escapes the prison and heads home. Only to find that the two of them are very different then they were. She doesn’t tell him about the pregnancy, so they make love and makes him believe she got pregnant that very night he comes home.

The end Isabelle finally comes home to Vianne’s and they apologize profusely. Gaetan finds her again and confesses his love for her, but it is too late. Isabelle has died in his arms, but she heard him tell her that he loved her. That’s all she needed to hear.

I am amazed at this story. It was well written and very well researched. Kristin Hannah did it again by taking the characters and bringing them to life. I smiled, I cried, I was angry, and I was shocked. So many emotions in a book that I couldn’t believe. This has got to be my favorite one by far from her. She captured everything so well. She did a wonderful job of story-telling where I felt like I was right there with them all of them.

I applaud her for this novel. They’re making a motion picture of this one and I cant wait to see it, to see if it coincides with the book. Sometimes they change things around, which is understandable. But come on, this was just amazing. Through and through.

 

Birthdays…

I love birthdays, I don’t care what anyone says. I know some people who hate them but I love them. Another year older and little more wiser. They just make me feel special. My birthday was yesterday and it was a wonderful day.

I took off from work to get a massage with my mama which was great! I really needed it. My husband treated me to some shopping and then we went out to dinner. While at dinner I received some fantastic news that an agent is requesting my work. I’m not going to get my hopes up but hey it’s finally nice to get recognized . I wrote my first book almost a year ago and wrote my second book about six months after that. The third book (which is the sequel to the second) is taking a little bit longer due to personal issues. It’s getting there, I’m a little over halfway done.

Anyways as I’m distracted by all that I just wanted to say birthdays are amazing. It means you made it another year and you have another year to look forward to. I know people always say “I’m getting old” well no shit, that’s the joys of growing and aging lol. Growing goes with experience I think.

I’m very appreciative to all the people that wished me a happy birthday yesterday. Friends and family and strangers 🙂 means a lot to me!

M.

Experience

This past weekend I was able to experience something that I was really excited about. There was a local author expo that took place in my area that I decided to be a part of. I thought it was a wonderful experience. I was able to connect with other authors and see how they ran the show since this was my first time. I was really ecstatic when it started and I had my first sale right away. The teenage girls seemed to track me down and read the back of my books and fell in love. You see there were these pamphlets that were given out to everyone about the authors and what genre the authors typically write about. I sold a few copies that day and felt even more special when I signed them. They were so excited and they asked for advice because some wanted to be future writers. I will be attending another expo in November that is even closer to where I live so I’m hoping more people will show up. This definitely made me want to write even more! I loved that it brought joy to people young and old.

Another thing I wanted to talk about is that I decided to do a giveaway on Goodreads for my novel Braver Than Yesterday. So starting on Thursday the giveaway will start and it will last about a month until October 14th.

I also decided for a limited time I wanted to do a promotion for Braver Than Yesterday the kindle version on Amazon. So if you click on the link you can download it for free for today only! I would love for those that download and read it to also review it. Reviews are always a plus 🙂

Also, one last thing the sequel to From Within is coming along and hoping to have it ready within the next month or so! Very excited for this one!

So a few pieces of news for you lovely people out there that love to read thrillers/suspense novels there you go! I hope you enjoy and thanks so much for the love and support.

M.

 

Goal

I know it’s been awhile since I wrote anything on my blog but I’m still here. My mood reflects my writing so this won’t be the most positive post. I haven’t had the ability to continue writing the sequel to my second book because I lack ambition. Hopefully I can get it back because it’s not fun being down and not able to focus. All I can think about is everything else that’s going on in my life. 

I’m trying hard to promote my book. I was so happy that my yoga studio allowed me to put my books in their boutique. When I went there last night, one was sold. I was really happy! Things like that make me really happy and in all honestly I want to make people smile and feel good. My books are on smashwords and Amazon and they’re on Goodreads. I am happy that they’re both out there but I hope one day I’ll be successful and reach my goal of becoming a full time novelist. That’s my real passion. But for right now I’ll do what I can to get it out there!

M. 

Remember..

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As I sit outside on this glorious day I’m reminded how beautiful the world really is. I’m really grateful for who I am and for what I am. Everyday I scroll through Facebook and I see this happening and that happening, things that aren’t good, and their happening to people just like you and me. I should be grateful for the things that I have and grateful for my health. I am one of those people that complains, complains a lot. That’s just not healthy, so why do it? Is it because I can’t help it? Is it because it gives me something to do? Is it because I like to hear my own voice? Who knows truly why except for me, and honestly I really don’t know why. I know being positive would be much more motivating then being negative, but I am a creature of habit. I truly can’t help it. I even watched those motivating videos and I’m like yes you can do this, but then I go right back to being negative. I’m not writing this to be negative, I’m writing this because right now I’m positive. I’m positive because I have a family that loves me, I have a husband that adores me, I have 4 wonderful pets that I wouldn’t trade for the world they are considered my kids. I have my health and everyone around me is in good health, and I’m so thankful and grateful for that. I had a biopsy done last week on my leg that the dermatologist has seen, but thankfully I received a phone call that said I’m in the clear.

Just remember to be grateful for something. Even if there are horrible things going on around you, just look inside yourself and see the good. Nobody can take that away from you. I’m grateful for writing. It may not be much and I know I’m not accomplished but it’s what I enjoy. Would I love to be successful at it? Of course I would but I’m grateful for even trying. It never hurts to try, because if you don’t try you’ll never know.

Did you know birds are my favorite animal? They are and they are because they don’t have a care in the world. They fly around from place to place, grab food, and continue on. They can fly high up in the sky, take in the world and continue on. I think they’re amazing. Today and this past week there has been a white bird around my yard. I think he was someone’s bird. It’s a Parakeet after all, I mean how many wild birds are Parakeets? I want to capture him and keep him but he won’t allow to come near him, plus I think my husband wouldn’t let me keep it. But he looks lonely and he’s all by himself sitting up in a tree. I feel bad for the poor bird. Hopefully he’ll come to his senses and fly to me.

Okay enough for today, I know it’s Friday. I hope everyone has a good weekend!! I’ll talk to you soon.

M.