Hey everyone! I know it’s been a while since I wrote. This year has a been a crazy year. So many things happened this year. For starters Covid hit hard in my family and we lost my father. We were super close and I still find it hard everyday that he’s not around. I miss him so much. Luckily I have my family for support.
Secondly my mom is super stressed about her mothers house being sold. My grandmother passed away last year 2020, so this affected her in so many ways. She lost one of her best friends that she could turn to besides me. My aunts live so far away and couldn’t help her with anything, and this affects her mentally as well as physically. I just worry about her so much. But a happy side, the house was sold so she doesn’t have to worry too much more about that.
Thirdly I’ve been struggling myself. I feel like physically and mentally I’m falling apart. I gained weight and whatever I do I can’t take it off. So this year I’m going to try my best to do better for myself, even if it’s a small change. I need to work on myself more and exercise more. I am big yoga person and I need to do more of that.
A good thing that is coming out of 2021 is that I’m learning to become a yoga instructor. I love yoga and I hope to teach other students one day. I want to make them feel good from the inside out. The way I feel when I come out of a yoga class.
What I hope to gain this year is more writing. I have several novels started and they all have been sitting there on my laptop unfinished. I hope to accomplish this year at least one to finish. It’s been a few years since my last novel was self published. However, I did have a short story published through an actual publisher. You can find that on Amazon and it’s called 25 Servings of Soop Volume II. My short story is called Dead End Drive.
That’s all for right now, I hope everyone has a happy new year and that you find happiness and peace within yourselves.
I have to be honest, I’m comfortable in my own skin. I really hate talking about this and even put this out there for the world to see but I feel like I let myself go-and not in a good way. I mean with weight gain. I feel gross–mind you I’m not overweight but I could stand to lose about 20 lbs but I don’t really know how to go about doing it. I feel like I’m getting lazy and it doesn’t help that I have a job where I sit all day. I do however, do yoga a few times a week but that’s not enough. I used to jog but my knee was really bothering me so I had to stop. I started to just walk but then I got bored with it. I just received an elliptical from my mom that’s actually hers but she had no room for it so she lent it to me. So far so good with that. I’ll tell you a little bit about myself when it comes to weight.
I was always a pretty skinny person, not extremely skinny. I was a little curvy I guess you can say. But when I started going through puberty I started to gain weight and then I started smoking cigarettes and I a lost a few but nothing really to write home about. It wasn’t until I turned 16 that I got my tonsils out and I lost all weight and I was fairly thin. I weighed about 125 and then I went down to 110. I kept it off for a long time and I was really self conscious about myself. I felt like I had to workout constantly but all I had back then was an elliptical and I used to do that thing like a few times a day. That was how I kept the weight off. I was still smoking to keep myself skinny and to keep my anxiety in check. I started having all these stomach issues and I didn’t know why. I thought I was too young to be dealing with something like that so I went to a gastro doctor and it turned out I had IBS. It’s not a big deal but I ended up going gluten free. I know a lot of people think that’s a joke and it does nothing for you but for me it was a god send. After I stopped eating gluten I felt better, like a million times better. I had all this energy and my face cleared up and the best part I wasn’t having stomach issues anymore. People thought I was nuts but hey I didn’t care what people thought, it worked for me.
So fast forward a few years I met my husband and I quit smoking. He’s the complete opposite then me when it comes to food. I was trying and trying to stay gluten free but with him it was hard. He wanted things that I couldn’t have. I’m not saying it was his fault, I should’ve been stronger. I gave up and started eating gluten but a miraculous thing happened, I felt cured. I could eat anything I wanted and I was fine. The problem was I was starting to eat like shit. No more salads and now I was eating bread. When I was gluten free I didn’t have any pasta or bread. It was a few years before I had any of that stuff. My go to meal when I was gluten free was rice and tuna. Not together lol that would’ve been disgusting. I can’t even look at tuna the same way again, I can eat it in a hoagie but in a can: forget it. I ate so much, it was the best thing in the world to me. It was the one thing that I couldn’t part with. So anyway sorry I went off track, my weight started to go up. It was very slow because my metabolism was pretty fast. I think it still is but not as fast as when I was in my 20’s. Now fast forward a few years and I’m living at home with my husband and I feel like shit. Mind you I don’t eat fast food, I think that’s disgusting but I like hoagies and pizza and things like that so that doesn’t help. I don’t feel like working out anymore andI just sit on the couch.
As I sit here today, I’m like pissed at myself for doing this to myself. I shouldn’t be eating take out all the time. It’s definitely not healthy but money plays a huge role in why we don’t actually have food in the house which is another story that I won’t get in. I used to have abs and I felt so healthy and I was a size two and now forget that, I feel like shit and I’m like a size 6. What the hell happened? I have to make some changes and soon because at this rate depression is going to take over.
I apologize for the rant but thank you for reading.
I’m so grateful today that I was able to type sentences to make this fabulous book that I’m working on. I never seemed to be the creative type until I started writing and it just makes me feel really good. I do enjoy it a lot. When I think about writing and the story that I want to write about, my mind just goes into this frenzy of words and thoughts. It’s amazing what the mind can do and accomplish. Everyone has their gifts/talents and for me I really think that’s writing.
Happy Monday y’all!