I’m writing in hopes that the woman my husband was speaking to for over a year would come forward. I just want to speak to her and get some things off my chest and ask her a few things.
My husband is acting strange again. For those of you who don’t know my situation. In July I found out my husband was talking to someone else for over a year and we separated, but we got back together.
Lately, he’s being the same way he was before I found out. He’s shady with his phone and he’s coming to bed super late like he used to.
This will always be in the back of my mind because of what happened before with him. I don’t know if I can ever trust him again.
People that deal with depression know how hard it can be to deal with things on a daily basis. People that don’t deal with it have no idea that people with depression are on the edge of self destruction.
One word or phrase can set them off. Take me for example, I’ve been suffering with depression for awhile which I hate to admit but I feel it’s important to be honest. A lot of things in my life have me down and the people I rely on the most are my support system. Sometimes however, those people can hurt you the most by saying something that can ruin your whole day. Everyday It feels like I want to cry, so when someone I care about deeply says something that could be hurtful even if they’re kidding, it destroys me. I want to crawl in bed and not come out.
Some people think it’s bs and that I can just turn off my depression but it doesn’t work that way. Those people will never understand.
If you know someone who suffers with depression, listen to them. Don’t turn your back on them.
I know it’s been awhile since I wrote anything on my blog but I’m still here. My mood reflects my writing so this won’t be the most positive post. I haven’t had the ability to continue writing the sequel to my second book because I lack ambition. Hopefully I can get it back because it’s not fun being down and not able to focus. All I can think about is everything else that’s going on in my life.
I’m trying hard to promote my book. I was so happy that my yoga studio allowed me to put my books in their boutique. When I went there last night, one was sold. I was really happy! Things like that make me really happy and in all honestly I want to make people smile and feel good. My books are on smashwords and Amazon and they’re on Goodreads. I am happy that they’re both out there but I hope one day I’ll be successful and reach my goal of becoming a full time novelist. That’s my real passion. But for right now I’ll do what I can to get it out there!
Everyday is different, I could feel fine one day and the next be depressed. My life is pretty normal, I get up, go to work, and then I go home relax. If I’m lucky go to a yoga class, I go home and then I go to bed. It’s the same thing day in and day out. Of course I squeeze writing in there somewhere because I don’t feel right without it. Today I just feel blah, straight up blah. I just want to crawl in bed and never come out. There are things in my life that are going on that I can’t really discuss because they are too personal but they are dragging me down. I want to be an accomplished writer and everyday I write to a dozen agents and some email back telling me I really enjoyed your story but it’s not for me. Others don’t even bother to even reply, which I totally get. They’re incredibly busy. If I could just have one thing go right in my life I would be super happy. But it just seems like one thing after another is falling apart. I feel like I’m at my breaking point with everything, my faith these days are at an all time low.
I’m sorry some of you will probably be like I hope she’s okay. Yes I’m fine and I will be fine. Sometimes I just need to vent. Today it’s just getting to me and everyone that is smiling at me I just want to punch in the face, I know it’s not funny, but it’s kind of funny. I looked at the calendar today and I graduated 17 years ago today. I still remember it like it was yesterday. I was so excited to start my journey to adulthood. Now I sit here and I’m not where I thought I would be. I thought I would have an amazing career and be sitting pretty with a successful husband and maybe a couple kids. Today I don’t have an amazing career and my husband isn’t successful, although he’s doing what he loves, and I still don’t have any kids. Maybe that’s a good thing. I know they say it’s never to late to start a career but eh really? I’m in my 30’s, I want to be a writer, it’s all I want to do. It’s hard though, really hard. I know things take time but how much time because some days I feel like I’m drowning.
There is really no feeling like printing out your manuscript and feel the warmth in your fingertips. I start leafing through and flipping the pages and feel the air in my face. It just feels so wonderful to know that I created these words and I put them down on paper. With my second novel done I decided to make it a series. I’m very excited and super blessed to have this amazing gift. I never thought my mind would wander as much as it does. I have quite the imagination and so happy I get to toy around with ideas. Doing a series never really crossed my mind but when it did I thought eh I don’t know if I really want to do this, but as I thought about it today I knew this would be the perfect opportunity to do one.
I’m grateful for everyone here that reads my blogs and comments and likes my blogs. I feel honored to make someone’s day a little happier and brighter. I love reading blogs of inspiration–it makes me feel more amazing and it makes me feel stronger then I have before.
I want other people to know that inspiration can come in any forms. From seeing something that makes you think wow I can do that or from words that someone says. It’s a truly good feeling that there are people still left in the world that want to make YOU feel better and help you accomplish your goals. Don’t let anyone stop you! If you feel strong about something go for it and if it knocks you down, brush it off and continue on.
Thanks for reading everyone!
I’m really excited about my new novel that I’m working on. I’ve been working crazily on it and I absolutely love it. I’m hoping that it will wrap up soon so I can bring it to you lovely people.
I feel like my mind has so many thoughts about many different ideas for new novels. This is such a wonderful thing and I’m so excited. I don’t think I’ve been this excited about anything in a real long time, except maybe when I was getting my puppies haha.
I come home from work and I just want to jump on my laptop and write more. I can’t believe that this is happening to me. I never thought that I would be able to write and it come true on paper. Happy happy joy joy! Sorry I’m a little crazy about happiness!
Hope everyone has a great day or night wherever you may hail from 🙂
Don’t forget to check out my novel Not Alone on Amazon under a Melissa Rose Bushey. Thanks for the support everyone!
It’s Friday!! This week needed to end. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and I hope you do something fun!
I just wanted to write today about the new novel I’m working on. I’m super excited about this one and I am not giving it away. I feel more inspired this time around with writing. I feel like the words are just pouring out of me. I don’t know if anyone has ever experienced this before but I’m really loving it.
Today I wrote a ton of pages and I felt like I couldn’t stop, but I finally took a break. Lately writing for me has been hard, I was having little inspiration. Yesterday’s blog post I wrote of 9/11 and ever since then I guess I feel like I woke up. I needed something to kick me in the ass to get me motivated. I’m here and breathing and healthy and I need to live, if that means writing then so be it. I come to realize that writing is my thing, I love it. If I can express myself then I will do so. I never imagined that this is where I would be in my life, but things happen for a reason and that’s the path that you walk down. I will continue to do what I love to do.
I feel like I got a lot accomplished on this book and I feel really good about it, which is all that matters. If I wrote this book and I was dissatisfied then I would have to scrap it but I feel something inside me that is amazing. It’s like a flower blooming inside my chest, a world that opened up for me. That’s why I’m excited! Thanks to all you wonderful people for reading my blog and I hope you get the chance to read my first novel called Not Alone on Amazon. Just type in the search box my name Melissa Rose Bushey, I found that was a lot easier then putting in the title because there are apparently a lot of books called Not Alone. A Novel. 🙂
Much love everyone!
So it’s that time of year for candy, sweet gifts, and love if your in a relationship with someone. But hey if you have friends that you love you can also share it with them. I just wanted to throw my 2 cents in about this holiday. It’s every girls dream to have flowers delivered and all that romantic stuff but I wanted to take a minute to say something strange. I don’t know maybe I’m weird but as I was thinking about today something made me think of 9/11 and I have no idea why.
I was sitting here thinking of what to write about for my daily blog and 9/11 swept through me. I went on YouTube and saw a documentary about that horrific day and I watched it. I felt horrible and saddened by the events that took place. I know today is supposed to be a happy day of love and kisses and puppies but I don’t know I just felt something wash over me with 9/11. I have no idea what that means, but it gave me a moment to reflect on that day. It made me think of the people that died on that day and the people that lost someone that was involved whether it was the World Trade Center or the planes that went down.
Maybe instead of thinking what I could be getting from the hubby, I should be thinking about other people instead, of what people lost. I’m definitely not trying to be a Debbie downer, I’m really not. It’s just strange for something like that to pop into my head like that and now it’s stuck in my head. All those people trapped in that building and they couldn’t get out and the only thing that some of them could think of was throwing themselves off.
Okay I’m done with that, that was totally depressing and I wasn’t trying to be. That was just running through my mind. Please try and enjoy your Valentine’s Day people. Think romantic and funny and cute and amazing thoughts. Much love to each and every one of you!
Tell me what inspires you? Some days I find it hard to get inspired. I know it seems like I’m all smiles and rainbows but today I just feel like blah. I’m tired, cold, and cranky and I just wish I could crawl back into my bed. I know today is Monday so that definitely doesn’t help.
I should write but I just don’t feel like it. I don’t have the inspiration pulling at me like I normally do, yes I’m human, yes not everyone feels sparkly. I’m really cold today because this office is freezing, even with a space heater, so that doesn’t help me at all with creative ideas.
I should listen to some amazing music to help lift my spirits, I think some tea would really help too to warm the bones.
Does anyone have any recommendations to help you get inspired? Maybe we can learn from each other. Have to try and get through this Monday! Have a good one everyone!