Depression is no joke

People that deal with depression know how hard it can be to deal with things on a daily basis. People that don’t deal with it have no idea that people with depression are on the edge of self destruction.

One word or phrase can set them off. Take me for example, I’ve been suffering with depression for awhile which I hate to admit but I feel it’s important to be honest. A lot of things in my life have me down and the people I rely on the most are my support system. Sometimes however, those people can hurt you the most by saying something that can ruin your whole day. Everyday It feels like I want to cry, so when someone I care about deeply says something that could be hurtful even if they’re kidding, it destroys me. I want to crawl in bed and not come out.

Some people think it’s bs and that I can just turn off my depression but it doesn’t work that way. Those people will never understand.

If you know someone who suffers with depression, listen to them. Don’t turn your back on them.

Monday…

So it’s Monday and I feel absolutely drained today. I kept waking up in the middle of the night, like a lot of times and I have these crazy vivid dreams. However, I am awake at the same time. I look over to where my closet is which doesn’t have a door, it’s just like a cloth that hangs in front ย of it and I swear it changed, it just looks like something else. So then I fall back to sleep only to awake again and look on the other side of the room where there are a few things scattered on the floor like my slippers and my purse. I’m like looking at these items and one of them as been removed. I don’t know if I’m losing my mind or what. Oh and then I hear a whisper in my ear, “Hey.” I did not freak out, instead I just fell asleep. I know most people would freak out if they heard that but I feel like I’m so used to it because it does happen often.

When I was little I used to see things (this is actually true). Things that would freak you out, I’m talking ghosts. I remember being small maybe like 5 years old and seeing books fly across the wall that was in a huge bookshelf, which is funny because my parents still have that bookshelf. Anyways I used to see dead people (spirits). I never told anyone before, I think I was scared or ashamed or a little bit of both. It wasn’t until recently I let my parents in on the secret. So anyway when that would occur I would freak out, I freaked out for years until finally they stopped. I wouldn’t see them anymore but I still felt them around me. I remember moving to a different house with my parents and I didn’t think anything about those ghosts because I figured they were gone. Not until a few years later I used to hear voices calling my name and things falling on the floor. I became scared shitless again. I didn’t tell my parents I just let it continue to bother me. Eventually as I got older those things started to go away, it wasn’t until I moved in with my then boyfriend now husband that they stopped completely.

Then we decided to buy a house and within the first few days things were normal and I forgot about all the ghostly business until one morning I was sweeping the floor and I heard a man’s voice saying “hello.” I’m like oh boy here we go again, not another haunted house or ghosts following me around. I didn’t hear from that man again. I believe that spirits are out there and they try and contact you if you just listen. I try and welcome them nowadays but I feel like my brain has closed that part. The only time it does happen is when I sleep, I hear a voice in my ear when I’m half in and half out.

Okay that’s enough for today, you probably think I’m nuts but that’s okay. Everyone has their opinions ๐Ÿ™‚ Hope everyone has a good Monday!

M.

Naps

Why is it so hard for me to take a nap? I don’t know about any of you but for me it is almost impossible to take one.

I’ll be super tired after a day of work and I’m like okay, I’m going to take a nap. So I go home throw on my comfy clothes and get in my bed with the fan in my face because yes I’m one of those people and I lay down. I close my eyes and I’m just laying there. My brain won’t shut up for anything. It’s funny because when I go to bed at night I can fall asleep in the blink of an eye. 

Does anyone else have there issues when it comes to nap or am I the only one? Food for thought ๐Ÿ™‚

M. 

Inspiration..

Tell me what inspires you? Some days I find it hard to get inspired. I know it seems like I’m all smiles and rainbows but today I just feel like blah. I’m tired, cold, and cranky and I just wish I could crawl back into my bed. I know today is Monday so that definitely doesn’t help.

I should write but I just don’t feel like it. I don’t have the inspiration pulling at me like I normally do, yes I’m human, yes not everyone feels sparkly. I’m really cold today because this office is freezing, even with a space heater, so that doesn’t help me at all with creative ideas.

I should listen to some amazing music to help lift my spirits, I think some tea would really help too to warm the bones.

Does anyone have any recommendations to help you get inspired? Maybe we can learn from each other. Have to try and get through this Monday! Have a good one everyone!

M.

You Never Know..

You really never know what kind of day you’re going to have until you’re actually starting your day. I was in the process of having a horrible day because I spilled coffee all over my kitchen counter and floor today. However, instead of getting pissed about it and yelling, I actually started to laugh, because what is the point? There really isn’t a point to get all mad and get your blood pressure on the rise because of some stupid mistake you made.

But I have to tell you something, last night while I was sleeping, my lovely husband decided to do something that I’ve been wanting him to do for the longest time, and no it wasn’t sexual, it was actually moving a piece of exercise equipment. Well my amazing dog, Buddy,which he is literally scared of everything and he’s a bulldog so you would think he’s just a tough little man. He’s not! He’s actually quite the opposite, he’s a big baby. I’ll take the blame for that, I just baby him and a lot. I can’t help it, I love him so much. So yes, he’s really spoiled, he likes to lay on me and cuddle with me and he’s super heavy but he’s my lap dog. Wow I just totally went off on a rant about my dog haha. So anyway, back to last night, so my dog sees this piece of equipment and he just can’t stop barking. He’s like deathly afraid of it and it woke me up out of a sound sleep.I ran downstairs furious and just flipped out. I mean it wasn’t my husbands fault it was Buddy’s, but I was half asleep and I just couldn’t really tell what was going on, so I cursed out the hubby and I went back to bed. Today I woke up super tired and I felt bad about yelling last night. So this morning I wrote him a nice little text apologizing.

That was obviously before I spilled the coffee all over the counter and on the floor which I laughed about. I decided that today I was going to write some more of my new novel, and I just felt like today was going to be one of those days where I wouldn’t have any inspiration, but when I started to write I couldn’t stop. That was most definitely a good thing. What I take out of all of this is that you wake up and you feel like you’re going to have one of those horrible crappy days but it ends up being a good day. You never know.

Have a good day everyone!!

M.

and if you haven’t already done so, please check out my Novel on Amazon called Not Alone by Melissa Rose Bushey.

Have You Ever…

Have you ever just felt just blah? Today is one of those days. I am trying to be as positive as I can be but I think it’s normal to just have one of those days. I’m just tired and I want to go back to sleep. I’m pretty sure everyone knows what I’m talking about. I don’t think you would be human if you didn’t have one of those days. 

I woke up this morning and the first thing that popped out of my mouth was “it’s a new day.” However, after saying it was a new day I felt like things were just going wrong. The dogs wouldn’t listen to me when I wanted them to go out and do their morning business, I received an email that was just bad, and to top it off there was nothing for breakfast. I know these things happen so I’ll just try and truck through the day. On an end note I hope everyone else has a wonderful day! Think happy thoughts ๐Ÿ˜Š