Posted on by Melissa Rose Bushey: Author

Shattered

My heart is broken. I am 9 weeks pregnant and I had my viable ultrasound today. This is my second one in two weeks. The doctor came in and checked and said that the baby stopped growing and they couldn’t locate a heartbeat. Therefore, no change since the 24th. We have to terminate the pregnancy. On top of that, I have a cervical polyp the size of a grape and that is causing bleeding. I am not having a wonderful time right now. I feel broken and shattered into a million pieces.

Four years ago I had a miscarriage and that one wasn’t viable either. I had to terminate that one as well. It just feels like a never ending cycle for me. I think I am done trying this baby thing. I am just not meant to be a mom to a baby. I have furbabies, so that is my number one job right now. I can live with that. It just hurts that this time there was actual life growing inside me, unlike four years ago, there was an empty sac. My baby stopped growing at 6 weeks. Have not a clue why, but I feel like it’s my fault. I know I shouldn’t blame myself, but of course I can’t help it. My husband is upset too of course, so we have each other. I am glad I have the support system I do. If this is happening to you, please feel free to reach out. We can support each other. There are not enough women that aren’t talking about this. It’s life changing and and earth shattering all at once.

M.

Posted on by Melissa Rose Bushey: Author

Inspiration

I’m so glad that I can be an inspiration to someone. Nothing makes me feel better about myself then knowing that I’m doing something right in my life. By writing my book and publishing it on Amazon I encouraged a few people to write their own books and publish them. Sometimes life doesn’t go as you planned, it throws you a few curve balls now and then but when you find what you’ve been looking for and find the purpose of your life it just makes you feel amazing.

I wasn’t going to put this out there but I feel like it will push me more. I recently submitted my new novel to an agent and it was turned down. She said she liked it and considered it but the way the market was she wasn’t sure if it would be a good idea. I know hearing those words hurt at that moment but it just pushes me harder to find someone that will be the perfect person. I know that my new novel is going to be a big seller, I can feel it.

My husband said to me yesterday, “You know ever since you’ve been writing, I’ve never seen you happier.” He’s got a point there, I never been happier, this is like my happy place. Maybe my books won’t ever sell to their capacity but the point is that I wrote them. They are nobody else’s but mine. I put a lot of work into them and my thoughts and creativity are put on paper for everyone to see. I am proud of that fact.

Thank you all so much for reading and the support.

M.