Book Review: The Four Winds

The book I am reviewing today is The Four Winds by Kristin Hannah, who personally is my favorite author and where I get a lot of my inspiration from. Let’s get into it.

The story is about Elsa a sickly girl who comes from a rich family who can’t stand her. Elsa’s sisters are married with children, but her parents make her out to be very ugly and sickly who will never marry.

One glorious day, Elsa had enough and decided she had enough of being treated so poorly so she went to a speak easy. Oh and before I forget, this takes place in the 1930’s during the Great Depression. Anyway, Elsa tries to go to the speak easy and she wasn’t allowed in because her father was a head honcho in town and everyone was afraid of him, so they knew if she was let in, they would be in trouble. Elsa decided to walk the streets alone in the night and meets Rafe. He seems like a great guy and Elsa finds him very attractive. They end up sleeping together and of course Elsa ends up being pregnant. Her parents take her to Rafe’s house and drop her at their doorstep and leave her there to deal with.

The parents of Rafe are sweet and hard working farmers. They have built land for themselves after coming over from Italy. They are very devout catholic and so Rafe and Elsa were to be married immediately.

When Elsa had her baby girl Loreda, she was so happy. She always wanted to be a mother. As the years went by Rafe became more and more depressed. They had another baby, which was a boy named Anthony (Ant). However, his parents treated Elsa like the daughter they never had. One morning they woke up from one of there terrible dust storms they had in Texas and Rafe was gone. Loreda blamed Elsa because Rafe wanted to go to California to start a new life.

Years went by and Elsa wasn’t going to leave but then Anthony got really sick from dust pneumonia. She knew she had to make a choice and took her two kids and went to California. When they arrived, they were met with torture and no money. It was devastating from the moment they got there. Elsa tried to remain strong but it was hard.

In the end, she met Jack who was a communist who wanted to stick up for the migrants. They weren’t getting equal pay or a place to live. Jack and Elsa ended up together, but she eventually died from a gun shot would due to protesting.

Here is what I think about this book:

The book is full of drama, full of smiles, full of laugher, and full of tears.

I loved this book so much for many reasons, but I couldn’t believe the terrible way people had to endure through the Great Depression. It makes me look at things in a completely different way.

Elsa was a strong brave character. She was full of life and she loved her children more than anything. She would do anything for them. It was very refreshing.

Loreda was brave and full of fire. She had so much passion and so much fight.

Ant was a child, but he always stayed by their side. He would say he wasn’t a baby and he would put on a brave face.

I give this book 4 out 4 stars. I loved it!

Shattered

My heart is broken. I am 9 weeks pregnant and I had my viable ultrasound today. This is my second one in two weeks. The doctor came in and checked and said that the baby stopped growing and they couldn’t locate a heartbeat. Therefore, no change since the 24th. We have to terminate the pregnancy. On top of that, I have a cervical polyp the size of a grape and that is causing bleeding. I am not having a wonderful time right now. I feel broken and shattered into a million pieces.

Four years ago I had a miscarriage and that one wasn’t viable either. I had to terminate that one as well. It just feels like a never ending cycle for me. I think I am done trying this baby thing. I am just not meant to be a mom to a baby. I have furbabies, so that is my number one job right now. I can live with that. It just hurts that this time there was actual life growing inside me, unlike four years ago, there was an empty sac. My baby stopped growing at 6 weeks. Have not a clue why, but I feel like it’s my fault. I know I shouldn’t blame myself, but of course I can’t help it. My husband is upset too of course, so we have each other. I am glad I have the support system I do. If this is happening to you, please feel free to reach out. We can support each other. There are not enough women that aren’t talking about this. It’s life changing and and earth shattering all at once.

M.

Today

A year ago today, my dad passed away due to Covid. I am still so broken over it. It’s true what they say, it will never get easier, you just manage. I think about him everyday, and wish I could see him. I miss his smile, I miss his hugs, I miss his laugh, and the way he would make fun of me. I would come over to his house and a good song would come on and I would start dancing and he would say, “cause that’s what she does.” I’ll never forget that. It feels like only yesterday he said that.

I’m grateful I had this many years with my dad, but I wish I had more. He was in his seventies and he had pulmonary fibrosis, which covid attached itself too, making it nearly impossible to survive this. If he did, he would be suffering today. I miss him with all my being.

I wasn’t close to my dad for years, it wasn’t until I was in my thirties that I became close with him. My mom, dad, and me would spend every Saturday together. Now, it’s just my mom and I. I love my mom with all my heart. She is my best friend. We get together nearly everyday. I’m super grateful I still have her.

Today, I was getting in my car heading back to work, and the radio came on. The song ‘I just called, to say I love you,’ was on. I know deep in my heart that was from him. It was him telling me he loved me and he cares about me. Immediately tears started to form in my eyes. Later on today after work, my mom and I are going to his grave. We go almost every weekend.

Hold your loved ones tighter, because you never know when the last time you’ll see them. Unfortunately, due to covid I couldn’t see him, so it’s been over a year since I seen him. When he was in the hospital, I wasn’t allowed to visit him. It wasn’t until after he passed that we could see him. I go my closure and said goodbye to him, but I was slumped over his body sobbing. That was the hardest and saddest day of my life. I am now without my dad, who I miss more than anything.

I love you dad, may you Rest In Peace.

Happy New Year

Hey everyone! I know it’s been a while since I wrote. This year has a been a crazy year. So many things happened this year. For starters Covid hit hard in my family and we lost my father. We were super close and I still find it hard everyday that he’s not around. I miss him so much. Luckily I have my family for support.

Secondly my mom is super stressed about her mothers house being sold. My grandmother passed away last year 2020, so this affected her in so many ways. She lost one of her best friends that she could turn to besides me. My aunts live so far away and couldn’t help her with anything, and this affects her mentally as well as physically. I just worry about her so much. But a happy side, the house was sold so she doesn’t have to worry too much more about that.

Thirdly I’ve been struggling myself. I feel like physically and mentally I’m falling apart. I gained weight and whatever I do I can’t take it off. So this year I’m going to try my best to do better for myself, even if it’s a small change. I need to work on myself more and exercise more. I am big yoga person and I need to do more of that.

A good thing that is coming out of 2021 is that I’m learning to become a yoga instructor. I love yoga and I hope to teach other students one day. I want to make them feel good from the inside out. The way I feel when I come out of a yoga class.

What I hope to gain this year is more writing. I have several novels started and they all have been sitting there on my laptop unfinished. I hope to accomplish this year at least one to finish. It’s been a few years since my last novel was self published. However, I did have a short story published through an actual publisher. You can find that on Amazon and it’s called 25 Servings of Soop Volume II. My short story is called Dead End Drive.

That’s all for right now, I hope everyone has a happy new year and that you find happiness and peace within yourselves.

M.

Is it hot in here?

So, I started watching Sex/Life on Netflix and I actually bulldozed right through it. If you haven’t seen the show you may want to scroll past.

Sex/Life is about a woman who lives in the burbs with her hunky husband and their two kids in this beautiful house in Connecticut. Billie is the woman’s name who is the main character. So Billie gets bored with her life and hasn’t been having the sex life that she so craves. So she starts thinking about her steamy past.

Billie takes out her laptop and starts a journal about her past relationship with Brad. Gorgeous Australian Brad with the hot body. Anyway, she writes in her blog about all the sex they had. I mean SO much sex.

Billies husband finds her journal and starts reading it and actually gets him off. Their sex life starts to get better and she doesn’t understand why. Their is a part in the show where he is in the kitchen and he opens the blog and reads about an amazing sex scene and he takes out his member and gets off, right there in the kitchen. I’m like OMG this is almost too much for me, but damn that was hot.

In my personal life, my sex life isn’t all that glamorous, but I watched this show and I was more then ravished and I pounced on my husband. I applaud the show for giving me a good sex life again.

Sex/Life was basically like watching one of those back in the day Cinemax pornos lol that is what I took from it. I however, enjoyed it very much. The story was a little wonky but that’s okay. The sex made up for it.

Did any of you watch this show? Let me know what you think. I know the show had bad reviews and I believe the only good thing that might save the show is the sex.

What you might not know, is that this was a true story. A woman decided to write her fantasies and her past sex life in her journal and her husband read it. They were fine coming out of all this, but if my husband read something in my journal, I know for sure he would not be okay with it.

That’s it for now guys! I hope you have a rocking day!

M.

Maybe a fresh start?

Okay, so it has been a while since I wrote anything here. I have been struggling with the whole writing thing until last night.

So, I just got home and I had a glass of wine. I hopped on the couch to take in the crazy thunder storms that we were having and I glanced at the TV. I started watching this movie I never saw before or heard of. The movie is called How to Build a Girl. It’s about this teenage girl that seems to want to find herself. The movie seems to start off with the main character named Johanna, who seems a bit nerdy feeling depressed and hard on herself. She loves writing and somehow she stumbles upon this rock and roll critic magazine job. She’s only 16 or 17, and she becomes an instant success. She turns herself into this wild child. She dyes her hair bright red, wears bright red lipstick with full glam makeup, and dresses gothically. She called herself Dolly Wilde. Me personally, I loved it! The outfits the character wore would be what I would wear if I had the balls to. She wore fishnet stockings, short shorts, numerous different provocative tops. The girl could pull it off though.

The story took place in Ireland I think. I couldn’t quite grasp it. Anyway, the point of me writing about this is that the girl had a lot of ups and downs throughout. She was laughed at, made fun of by her so called co-workers, yet she bounced back and kicked ass in the writing world.

Now me personally, I’ve had a lot of struggles with writing lately. If you follow me on here, you know I have wrote a few books. However, I am a self published author. This got me thinking though, maybe I should blog more. Write about my personal self and/or things that I feel strongly about. I love writing, but something has me down.

I remember when I wrote my first novel, it took me literally two weeks to write. I can barely get two words in now in a given day.

Watching that movie last night, opened a door for me. I think it gave me a kick in the ass hopefully in the right direction. We shall see!

Look forward to writing to you soon 🙂

M.

Pulling it together

Hey everyone!

I know it’s been awhile, but life is crazy, especially with Covid going on. I have been reading a book that took literally six months to complete. I’m not even going to bother writing about it, because I didn’t think it was that good. Normally, if you follow me you know I would blog about the book I read and talk about it. I’m honestly not in that frame of mind these days.

On March 11th, my father passed away unexpectedly from Covid. I was extremely close with my dad, but since he contracted Covid, I haven’t seen him since February 6th. He was admitted in the hospital, where we weren’t allowed to see him, until after he died. I was beyond devastated since I couldn’t see him beforehand. I miss him everyday!

However, we have a puppy now. Well, he’s almost nine months old now. He’s a red Boston Terrier, named Murphy. He’s my cutie and I love him so much and he keeps me on my toes. He even has his own page on Instagram Murphy_the_turkey if you want to look him up. Anyway, right now he’s my saving grace.

I just wanted to check in with everyone and I hope you are safe. I’m going to start reading a new book, so hopefully I’ll get back to reviewing books again.

M.

Sad Day

So yesterday 8/9, my English Bulldog, Buddy passed away unexpectedly. I am devastated. He was eight years old, to be nine in December. He didn’t have any health issues, except for the occasional allergies and mites. This is what happened:

We were getting ready to go on vacation, heading to Vermont, which is where we are right now. We packed up our things and took our beloved Bulldog Buddy and our Cairn Terrier, Zoe. We had the air on because it’s summer and bulldogs are always hot and overheated. We stopped halfway through, which the trip total was 4.5 hours. We let the dogs out to do their business and we gave them both water to drink. Buddy seemed fine at this point.

Towards the last stretch of our trip to Vermont, something went wrong it seemed. Buddy started to pant hard and was even making a gasping sound. We just thought maybe it was normal, because he’s a bulldog and he has breathing issues. Especially when we go on trips. He gets high anxiety because he doesn’t know where he’s going.

Anyway we arrive in Vermont and at the vacation spot that we are staying and he seems like he’s panting A LOT! I have seen him pant before, but this was too much. He was making a whistling sound and he sounded upset, like he was whimpering. He couldn’t catch his breath at all. I tried to give him water, he would drink, but then he would just throw it up. His tongue would turn purple in and out. My husband and I had no idea what to do. We decided it was time to call a vet in the area. We spoke to someone on call and they said to give him Benadryl and that it was normal. This did not seem NORMAL. He couldn’t breath. The nearest 24/7 hospital for animals was 2 hours away! Can you believe that, two hours! How do they not have any emergency vets close? It boggles my mind. In PA where I live, there are two hospitals for animals in a 10 min vicinity.

So anyway, we tried giving him water and the Benadryl, which we finally were able to give him. All of a sudden his legs gave out and he couldn’t walk. That’s when we knew something serious happened. We searched online and saw there was a “supposed” 24/7 vet right down the road, and we drove there. Buddy was panting heavily in the back seat and I was trying to call the hospital to tell them we were on our way. The woman told us that they were closed and was going to call the on call doctor. I’m like freaking out because the website said 24/7 care. Unfortunately the doctor was away some three hours away. Not his fault, but he was the one that said he was fine and that he should just take Benadryl.

We figured Buddy was going to be okay. His breathing slowed, but I watched him. His breathing started to deepen, like he was trying to gasp for breath. Next think you know, he just stopped breathing.

I told my husband to pull over. We got out of the car and shook him, but nothing. He was gone. We freaked out and cried. We even tried to do mouth to mouth, but there was nothing we could do. He wasn’t waking up. My baby boy was gone.

Not many of you know this, but Buddy was baby. He was the light in my life. I loved him more than life itself. I’m writing this with tears in my eyes. I just can’t believe he’s gone. He was a mama’s boy as well. He was always by my side. He was a character, and had the best personality. I feel like a huge chunk of my heart was taken away from me when he died.

We took him back to the house that we are staying out and buried his body. I wanted to take him back home and bury him at home, but that was impossible to do. We did what we had to do. We said our goodbyes and I cried the whole day yesterday. I’m still crying and so far it’s a shitty vacation. I still can’t believe that he’s gone. I feel like I’m still in shock. I know he lived a good life, and he was loved, but it’s still hard. I’ll never forget him. RIP Buddy, I love you more than words could ever express!

I just wanted to share this story, because I needed to vent! Thanks for listening.

M.

Book Review #14

The book I am reviewing is “The Great Alone” by Kristin Hannah. Let me just start off saying that it took me a long time to finish this book, only because I started it before the Pandemic. Once the pandemic started, I stopped reading it. However, once I went back to work, I finished it in a week.

I fell in love with the characters of this book. Ernt, Leni, and Cora Allbright. Ernt was the father, Cora was the mother, and Leni was the daughter. I technically fell in love with Leni and Cora, Ernt not so much (he was a bad guy).

SPOIL ALERT: DO NOT READ IF YOU PLAN TO READ THE BOOK

The story goes, Leni was a teenage girl and her father was an alcoholic man. He came back from Vietnam a changed man. But Cora loved him anyway, no matter how much he abused her.

Ernt would get in depressing moods and just want to pick up and move. So, one day when Leni got home from school, he picked his family up and whisked them out to Alaska. He inherited a piece of land from a Vietnam buddy who passed away. The issue with this was that the land was in the middle of nowhere. It was off the grid, they would all have to survive on their own.

When they arrived, the place was in shambles, but they made it their home. They were welcomed by other people in town. They’re really was only a handful, maybe a little more. They welcomed them with open arms and Ernt appreciated that. He thought Alaska would help him get better, get rid of his demons. However, it made him worse. His wife Cora was an attractive woman, so when men would look at her, he would become enraged and go home and hit Cora, like it was her fault.

When Leni started going to school there, there was only one classmate her age and his name was Matthew. Now at this time they were about 14. They were just friends, they didn’t think of each other in that way. However, something changed between them when Matthew watched his mother die. She was sucked under the ice. Matthew was devastated by her loss, that he decided to move in with his grandparents in a different part of Alaska, and Leni was left on her own.

Four years later, things were becoming really severe with her parents, that she wanted to get out there. More rather she wanted her mom, Cora to leave her dad. He was becoming more and more abusive and drinking more. Around this time is when Matthew came back. When Leni saw him, something changed inside her. She had a burning passion for him. She couldn’t stop thinking about him, and he about her. One thing you have to understand is that Ernt hated Matthews family, so she was forbidden to see him or hangout with him. However, during their senior year, they would sneak out and take trips and have picnics and that’s where Leni was kissed for the first time. She was thrilled and she wanted more.

One night Leni’s parents went out and she knew they would be gone for hours, so she invited Matthew over to the house. They made love for the first time that night. Matthew woke up to the sound of people walking around down in Leni’s house. He woke her up and she had to get him out of the house. She dragged her folks out of the house and Matthew got away.

After that night, things would never be the same. Leni wanted to be with Matthew always, but she couldn’t, so her plan was to go to college with him. She would leave this life behind, away from her dad and go with him. Her and Cora decided they were going to leave him. They headed to town with Ernt, and Leni yelled to Matthew to help them. Ernt heard that and yelled for them to get into the car. They went back into the truck and headed back home, but Matthew followed. When Ernt and the family got into the house, that is when all hell broke loose. He started beating Cora with her fists, smashing her nose and her face. Matthew came and pulled him off her and knocked him out. Cora and Leni went into Matthews truck.

They headed into town and Cora was dropped off at a really close friends house. Matthew took Leni up a mountain so they could escape her father. They set up a tent and woke up to each other. Leni was happy, but she needed her mom. She wanted to make sure she was okay. She needed to go, so Matthew decided to take her back. On the way down it started raining, and Leni lost track of Matthew and she fell into a crevice of the earth. She woke up with a broken arm and she couldn’t catch her breath. She broke some of her ribs. Matthew came after her and tried to save her life, but instead, it cost him a huge price. He fell and was in bad shape. He had a brain injury and he couldn’t walk.

A few hours, they were found and transported by hospital. Leni got patched up and was sent home. Matthew however, was in a coma. They weren’t sure if he would ever wake up.

When Cora and Leni arrived home, her dad was waiting for them. Cora didn’t press charges like she promised she would. Instead he went after them, but Leni told them she was pregnant and he started to beat the hell out of her. That is when Cora, took a shot gun and shot him! Not once, but twice. They had to hide the body, because this took place in the 70’s where it didn’t matter that men hit women. She would go to jail.

They hid the body and came back to the cabin, Cora’s close friends cleaned up and made up a fake story, saying that they were missing. Leni and Cora had to leave Alaska and went to Seattle, where Cora’s parents lived. They stayed there for 7 or 8 years. Cora became sick with Cancer, and gave Leni a confession letter and to go back home to Alaska with Leni’s son MJ. She told her she belonged there with Matthew, although she still thought he was a vegetable. That was her last wishes. She died and did what she was told. Her mom left her two one way tickets to Alaska.

Once they arrived, Leni did what she was told. She went to the police station and handed the envelope from her mom. The chief read it and coaxed her into telling him what really happened. She eventually told him what really happened and he arrested her. She told him to call Mr. Walker (Matthew’s dad) to come down. Mr. Walked came and saw Leni and she introduced him to his grandson. She told him to take care of him and left.

An arraignment was supposed to happen, but Cora’s friend came in and told the judge (who was friends with this woman) that it was a load of crap. All of a sudden there was a phone call from the governor and the case had been dropped. Thanks to Mr. Walker. In case you didn’t know, Mr. Walker is a big deal in Alaska, so he had a lot of strings.

Leni reunited with her son back on the Walker ranch. She wanted to see Matthew, but she was afraid. Mr. Walker took her to see him and when the door opened, she saw that he was conscious and aware. He was in a wheelchair and still had some damage to his head, but he was mostly aware of what was going on. He spoke in phrases. She was so happy he was back. She told him that he was a father. They walked hand in hand, (yes he could walk as well) and she took him to meet their son. He fell in love with him, as soon as he saw him. MJ yelled out daddy, and they became a family in Alaska.

This story actually had me crying. I never cry in books, like ever. But this one, I really couldn’t help myself. I give this story 4.5 stars. I would have given it 5, but it was a little slow in some parts. Especially toward the end. I kept waiting and waiting for the climax.

Quarantine Blues

Hey everyone! I know it’s been an awful long time, and I now am writing finally because I actually have time. All due in part because of this quarantine we are in. I don’t know about some of you, but I’m getting sick of it. I’ve been in quarantine since March 13th. My husband and I do decide to take some trips through the country once in a while just to feel somewhat normal. What are you doing to keep your sanity in this time?

I’ve been trying to find things to keep me occupied, whether it’s reading a book, doing puzzles, playing video games, or just simply catching up on some tv. However, lately it’s getting boring to me. I take walks around my neighborhood with my dog, and it’s the only thing I seem to look forward to anymore. I haven’t wrote a single page of my novel in a long time. I feel like I lost myself with the writing.

Today we went for a drive, and we got stuck in a storm. We were surrounded by torrential rain, thunder, lightening strikes, and intense hail! I enjoyed every second of it, because I love storms. I can’t enjoy them at home, because my dog gets deathly scared of them. So I was thrilled I was able to actually be in the middle of one.

I guess this is the time that I should be focusing on my work. Getting my words down and expressing how I feel.

I found out today, that I am not able to return to work until at least June. I work in a school district and they closed all PA schools. Which means, I’ll be returning sometime in June. I find this insanely crazy, I never thought this would happen. Ever in a million years, and I’m sure many people feel the same way I do.

As far as being quarantined with my husband (he’s out of work too), we’ve grown closer because of this ordeal. We go to bed together and wake up together. We never used to do that. So I guess that’s kind of a plus. I think my fur babies (2 dogs, 4 cats), are also grateful that we are home with them. I don’t know what they’re thinking, now that we’ve been home with them everyday. They’re probably in their glory.

So I just wanted to check in and say hello to all you wonderful people and please be safe out there.