I know it’s been a few days since I wrote about my rehearsal experience. Thursday night was canceled so I didn’t have anything to report and my weekend was just crazy. So I’ll start with Friday night:

So I’m really excited because they started placing people in spots and where they put me was directly in center. I’m like okay this is great, I’m where all the action is. They didn’t tell me what I should be doing, so I just sat there. You would think they would be like, “Hey can you look at the actors that are talking on stage or hey can you act like your the stenographer,” which that’s what was I assigned. So we go through the rehearsal a few times and finally it’s time to go home and I was beat. Granted I did have a glass of wine before rehearsal because hey it’s Friday and I worked all day and wanted to have some downtime. Anyway I was excited because I was down in the center. Until the next day…

Saturday comes and we have rehearsal from 2 to 6. I’m kind of excited because you know my part is in the front where all the action is. So we sign in and we get started and they told us to get in our places and we do. We sit down and all of a sudden they say, “I want to make some changes. You get in the back.” Which they were referring to me. I was so disappointed and pissed off. They never gave me a reason why they moved me. So I went from front row to all the way in the back where you can’t even see me. Needless to say I was feeling pretty pissed off and it hurt a little but I guess that shit happens.

Sunday comes and I’m dreading to go. We have to be there from 11-6 and it was going to be a long day. I knew going in there that it was going to blow. A million times I wanted to get up and walk out and thought hey they is BS. Oh I forgot to mention, Saturday night I emailed the assistant director asking why I was moved and he never emailed me back. I was waiting on Sunday to see if he would say anything to me but nothing ever came. When lunch break came I was steaming, I needed a drink and yes I had one. Maybe I’m acting like a child I don’t know but I was just so mad. My husband was telling me that I’m making a big deal out of it and that it wasn’t personal, but to be honest it felt personal. Especially if they didn’t even give me a reason. If I was doing something wrong I really would’ve liked to know so I could’ve fixed it. But hey maybe that’s the acting world.

After that weekend I’ve been feeling depressed. My book isn’t selling and I haven’t heard from any agents regarding my book. I try to not get discouraged but come on, I feel like I’m having all these bad things that aren’t going my way so it’s hard to stay positive. I love to write it’s my passion but sometimes I sit and think why am I here on this earth, is there a purpose? Sorry I’m just venting. I’ll stop here. Thanks for listening!

M.